I have been doing some research about parenting styles. Here are the "definitions": Indulgent parents (also referred to as "permissive" or "nondirective") "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). Indulgent parents may be further divided into two types: democratic parents, who, though lenient, are more conscientious, engaged, and committed to the child, and nondirective parents. So I would say that I am a good mix between an authoritative and a authoritarian parent…I think they call that balanced. J I posted this on my Mama board and have been enjoying the responses…one of my friends said she wonders what OTHER people would say about her parenting style? Most of you readers know me and have seen me interact with my PRECIOUS almost 3 year old…what would you say? My friend also said they are pretty good about staying on top of her kids…that raises to me the following point… I feel like I am always "riding Jackson's ass". I feel like between John and I, the poor kid can't catch a break. I sat back and realized how often I get to the "or I'm going to spank you" and what has really made me notice it is Jackson says it most often times to his baby brother. He also says "do you understand me" and "you don't tell me no." He is a walking talking mini me! My goal is to STOP saying or I'm going to spank you. I feel like a good spanking is necessary at times, but I don't want my child to FEAR me. I don't want him to think that any and every time he effs up he's going to get spanked...I don't want him to be afraid of me, but I want him to listen/respect me.
Authoritarian parents are highly demanding and directive, but not responsive. "They are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). These parents provide well-ordered and structured environments with clearly stated rules. Authoritarian parents can be divided into two types: nonauthoritarian-directive, who are directive, but not intrusive or autocratic in their use of power, and authoritarian-directive, who are highly intrusive.
Authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive. "They monitor and impart clear standards for their children's conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62).
Uninvolved parents are low in both responsiveness and demandingness. In extreme cases, this parenting style might encompass both rejecting–neglecting and neglectful parents, although most parents of this type fall within the normal range.
I do my best to reason with Jackson, explain things to him, be patient and let things work themselves out...but when push comes to shove...his little butt is going to listen to me, do as I say, and if he can't get his act together, he IS going to get sent to his room, or a spanking, or soap in his mouth (for biting) or "grounded" from his toys/dvd for a day.
I would say that overall my son is well behaved. If we are in somewhere and he is acting up, I ask/tell him to stop the behavior(sometimes I say please and sometimes I demand it), try to distract him, but if he continues, after at least 1 or 2 threats of going to the bathroom...we head to the bathroom! I think I have spanked him ONE time in the bathroom...usually it is more of a "time-out" while mommy goes potty.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Parenting...
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4 comments:
Yay! The comment box works now! :)
Dang, I need to catch up again on the board... I always get on for a few mins here and there, enough to read a couple posts, then fall wayyy behind.
Anyway, I've been thinking about the same things. It really hits you when they start mimicking you, huh? :) I've been reading a great book called "Shepherding A Child's Heart." It talks about getting to the "root of the problem" (their heart issues) instead of focusing on the "symptoms" (their outward behavior)... If you get a chance, take a look at it - I'm not finished with it yet, but it's great so far!
Spirit of the law or letter of the law?: The vast majority of professionals agree that child buttock-battering isn’t healthy. A marginal few (mostly religious fundamentalists as those at Calvin) think that child bottom-slapping is good. They use the same selective literalist interpretation of the Bible as was used to justify “witch”-burning, depraved torture methods for those accused of sin and heresy, slavery, racism, wife-beating, oppression of women and a host of other social ills.
People used to think it was necessary to "spank" adult members of the community, military trainees, and prisoners. In some countries they still do. In our country, it is considered sexual assault if a person over the age of 18 is "spanked", but only if over the age of 18.
For one thing, buttock-battering can vibrate the pudendal nerve, which can lead to sexual arousal. There are multitudinous other physiological ways in which it can be sexually abusive, but I won't list them all here. One can use the resources I've posted if they want to learn more.
Child bottom-battering/slapping vs. DISCIPLINE:
Child bottom-battering (euphemistically labeled "spanking","swatting","switching","smacking", "paddling",or other cute-sounding names) for the purpose of gaining compliance is nothing more than an inherited bad habit.
Its a good idea for people to take a look at what they are doing, and learn how to DISCIPLINE instead of hit.
I think the reason why television shows like "Supernanny" and "Dr. Phil" are so popular is because that is precisely what many (not all) people are trying to do.
There are several reasons why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea. Here are some good, quick reads recommended by professionals:
Plain Talk About Spanking
by Jordan Riak,
The Sexual Dangers of Spanking Children
by Tom Johnson,
NO VITAL ORGANS THERE, So They Say
by Lesli Taylor M.D. and Adah Maurer Ph.D.
Most compelling of all reasons to abandon this worst of all bad habits is the fact that buttock-battering can be unintentional sexual abuse for some children. There is an abundance of educational resources, testimony, documentation, etc available on the subject that can easily be found by doing a little research with the recommended reads-visit www.nospank.net.
Just a handful of those helping to raise awareness of why child bottom-slapping isn't a good idea:
American Academy of Pediatrics,
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry,
American Psychological Association,
Center For Effective Discipline,
Churches' Network For Non-Violence,
Nobel Peace Prize recipient Archbishop Desmond Tutu,
Parenting In Jesus' Footsteps,
Global Initiative To End All Corporal Punishment of Children,
United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.
In 26 countries, child corporal punishment is prohibited by law (with more in process). In fact, the US was the only UN member that did not ratify the Convention on the Rights of the Child.
WOW! I have no idea who PDeverit and it is obvious they don't know who I am either! But...thanks for putting so much effort into your comment...I'll let u know this...if necessary, my children will be spanked. I do not think that it is punitive, or corporal punishment, no do I believe it will lead to sexual arousal. Call me old school, but I in fact feel that not spanking our children for horrible behaviors MIGHT just be what is wrong with our world today. Please believe that I do use spanking as the last and final answer but sometimes, in my opinion it needs to be done! It happened to me, it happened to my husband (so he says) and I think we both turned out OK!
Lesson learned...if you put your thoughts, actions, feelings out on the World Wide Web, you may have people you don't know comment on them...I already have changed privacy settings, so if any of you have issues, please let me know.
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